Let Go, Let God and Icebergs

Up front, I should mention that I believe in the Abraham-Hicks(.com) view of the Universe. In this view, we are simultaneously both physical and spiritual beings. I think to explain it using the metaphor of an iceberg.

The exposed part (or tip) of the iceberg represents the physical being. This is the part we are aware of every day. It is like are so caught up in the fresh air, the polar bears, and the sunshine that we forget that we have this other, greater part of us under water. That part is the spiritual side and the ocean is the spiritual realm where we are all connected in a "spiritual soup" so to speak.

According to the Abraham-Hicks materials, in the physical world which we live in, the creative process has three steps:

1. Ask - you launch a desire
2. Answer - the Universe immediately yields this to you on the spiritual level

3. Allow - you have to come into alignment with your desire to receive the results in the physical world)

In the non-physical (spiritual) world, there are only two steps.

1. Ask - you launch a desire
2. Answer - the Universe immediately yields this to you on the spiritual level

We are made up of two parts:

1. Ego - which is focused on the physical world and experiences that world

2. Spirit - which remains focused on the spiritual realm and connects you to Source Energy

How the Process Works

The ego experiences the physical world including things that are wanted and unwanted.

The experience of unwanted things creates contrast between what is wanted and unwanted. For example: when you rent an apartment with a small kitchen, you realize you don't like small kitchens.

The contrast creates desire naturally and often unconsciously. This desire is launched by your spirit and the ego may or may not be aware of this desire. For example: the contrast of the small kitchen creates a desire for a larger kitchen. This is step one: Ask.

Your desires are created on the spiritual level. You cannot control them. You want what you want and there is nothing you can do about that.

Source energy immediately answers your launched desire and provides you with what you want on a spiritual level. This is step two: Answer. Your spirit, since it resides in the spiritual realm, immediately begins to enjoy the benefits of the manifestation on the spiritual level.

Your spirit wants you to experience the benefits of the desire on the physical level as well, so it will help you try to attain what you desire. It guides you to the physical manifestation by providing feedback to help you come into alignment with your desire. This is step three: Allow.

The guidance or feedback mechanism between your ego and your spirit is your emotions. When you are moving towards the attainment of your desire, you feel good. When you are moving away from the attainment of your desire, you feel bad.

The way you move towards the attainment of your desire is by focusing on what you do want. The way you move away from the attainment of your desire is by focusing on what you do not want. So when you focus on what you do want, it feels good. When you focus on what you do not want, it feels bad.

When you try to deny or argue against your desires, you feel bad, because this is moving you away from their manifestation. So if my life experience has generated a desire within me to have a life partner who is physically attractive to me, there is nothing I can do about that. If I try to deny that desire, by telling myself that I am being shallow, or that I am not being spiritual, then I am going to feel bad. More importantly, I am going to be preventing myself from finding my life partner.

So how does this relate to the saying let go and let God?

The "let go" part is straight-forward. Letting go is the allowing which is step three in the process. I need to allow the manifestation to happen, in its own time, in its own way, to experience the benefits.

In addition, the "let God" part relates to both steps one and two. You can probably see how letting God means letting the Universe take care of step two in answering your desire. However, it also means letting God (your inner spirit) create the desire in the first place. This may seem uncomfortable to those who want to be in control. The implication is that you really do not have control of your desires and direction in life. Your spirit (God) is controlling that part. So the better way to allow your desires to manifest in your life is to hop into the passenger seat and let your spirit do the driving.

All is Well! ~ Mark

Persistence

Persistence: "Continuing in a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure." Will Smith's character in the movie, Hitch.

Last week, I wrote about Angel Cabrera's victory in the Masters golf tournament and how he did not give up. This week, I want to speak from personal experience.

We know that the idea of competition is really an illusion. There is an unlimited supply to anything and everything--money, love, health, wonderful experiences. We really do not have to compete for anything in life. And yet, there are cases when we find ourselves in direct competition with someone for what we want. So what happens when there is direct competition? Who wins?

In sports, we often hear it termed as the winning team "wanted it more." From a spiritual perspective, whoever wants it the most wins, as long as they can keep their focus on the goal or prize. Focusing on the goal or what you want serves several purposes. First of all, if you are focused on what you want, the Law of Attraction will bring you closer to your goal. If you can keep your focus off the lack or why you have not yet achieved it, the Universe will do its part to bring your goal into reality.

In addition, when you are focused on what you want, you are in a "play to win" mentality. Your actions will be more relaxed, confident, and bold. I have said for years: Play to win. Don't play "not to lose." The fastest way to lose at something is to play "not to lose." When you play not to lose, you are tentative, nervous, and cautious. You are focused on losing and you will find a way to lose. When you are focused on what you want, you will find a way to get it.

The final benefit of keeping your eye on the prize is how it builds persistence. If you can persistently hold on to you vision of what you want, without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure, your actions will also be persistent. Hold on to your dream like a pit-bull and ultimately the Universe will yield it to you.

In my case, I have held on to a vision of what I wanted for a very long time. I was making great progress towards achieving my goal. Then, obstacles started to appear. Whenever I found myself focusing on the obstacles, I would do my best to shake that off and put my focus back on the goal. Even as recent as last week, there was strong evidence of opposition to goal. If I had been "realistic," I would have given up. But I remained determined.

And finally, I let go of any time lines. I had a deadline for achieving my goal. For some people, a deadline can be motivating, but I found it was creating resistance in my case. So I let it go. And I found within a matter of days, the opposition that looked so real a few days earlier suddenly vanished, as if by magic. Competition that appeared to be fierce and have a much higher stake in it than me, timidly stepped aside. Now, I am where I wanted to be.

And if I can do it, I am certain you can too!

All is Well!

The Only Way to Fail is to Give Up

I admit it! I like to watch sports. I do not let sports rule my life, but I enjoy watching sports some times. I often find that there are life lessons to learn. In particular, I enjoy watching the Olympics. I have many memorable images from watching the Olympics over the years--from the "Miracle on Ice," to Olga Korbut, to Bjorn Daehlie, to Kerri Strug.

On Sunday, April 12, I decided to tune into the Masters golf tournament to watch the ending. I am not a golfer and I do not really follow golf. I know of the main players like Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. Growing up with two parents who were crazy about golf, I know the basics of how to play the game. I made money in high school as a caddy. I just never developed the love for playing the game myself.

So on Sunday, I tuned in to see how the tournament was going to wind up. I had heard about Kenny Perry who was one of the leaders. At 48, if he were to win, he would become the oldest player to win the Masters. I was intrigued by this man who was playing the best golf of his life at an age where most professional golfers have retired. On the 16th hole, Perry's tee shot on the par 3 landed a few inches from the hole. The sure birdie would put him three strokes ahead of his playing partner Angel Cabrera and two strokes ahead of Chad Campbell who was in second place. To everyone, it looked like Perry would win for sure as he had played so consistently all tournament. However, Cabrera did not give up and he sank a long birdie putt on the 16th himself to stay only two strokes behind.

On the 17th and 18th holes, Perry's nerves kicked in and he bogeyed both holes, while Cabrera was able to par both. In the end, there was a three way tie for first place between Perry, Cabrera, and Campbell. At the Masters, they decide the winner through a "sudden death" playoff. They will continue to play hole by hole. If you lose a hole you are out until there is one final winner. They started by replaying the 18th hole.

Campbell hit first driving it right down the middle of the fairway. Cabrera went next but his tee shot went way right into the trees. The ball came down dead square behind a big tree. Meanwhile, Perry's drive went straight down the middle with Campbell's. To everyone, it appeared that Cabrera was done. Typically, with a big oak tree between the ball and the green, any player would have hit the ball side-ways just to get it back on the fairway. Not Angel Cabrera though! Figuring he had nothing to lose, he decided to try to curve the ball around the tree and advance it towards the green. The ball got past the tree in front of him, but smacked into another tree just ahead. I know that for a golfer, there is nothing more sickening than the sound of the ball hitting a tree. That sounds means you are now at the mercy of the golf gods and you have no idea where your ball will end up.

Luckily for Mister Cabrera, the golf gods were smiling on him. The ball bounced off the tree and slanted forward right into the middle of the fairway, but way closer to the green than had he merely punched the ball sideways. His gamble had paid off. Meanwhile, from seemingly perfect positions, both Perry and Campbell missed the green on their second shots with Campbell landing in a sand trap. Cabrera's third shot landed close enough to allow him to make his par put. Kerry also managed a par but Chad Campbell missed his par putt and was out. On the next hole, Kerry's problems hitting from the fairway continued and Cabrera became the Masters champion for 2009.

After his errant tee shot wound up in the trees, no one would have blamed Cabrera if he had given up or if he had played it safe. However, he did not give up and he never stopped trying to win. In the end, he did win. The lesson here to me is that the only way we can really fail is when we give up. If we make a mistake, if we take a wrong turn, if we put our tee shot in the trees, as long as we keep trying, we can find a way to reach our destination.

Recently, I have been faced with a difficult situation where, yes I admit it, I have thought about giving up. There was a point a couple of months ago where I was close to giving up. But I did not. And since then, things have improved greatly. I have not yet reached my destination, and there are still nagging thoughts every now and then. "Wouldn't it be easier to just give up?" Still, I know that I cannot give up, will not give up. So congratulations Señor Cabrera on winning your first Masters title. And thank you ever so much for reminding me that the only way to fail is to give up.

They Say Patience is a Virtue

This week I wanted to share a question I received from the Internet. My friend asked about how to deal with feelings of impatience. When we really want something we have a tendency to want it right now. So how can we deal with our own impatience?

I see two ways to change this: 1) increase your patience, OR 2) get what you want when you want it. You may want to try to work on both.

Increase your patience

To increase your patience, practice being patient. I used to be a very impatient person and these are some of the tricks that helped me a lot.

Pick the longest line. At a supermarket or when shopping somewhere, purposely pick the longest line. Alternatively, if there is only one line, let others go in front of you. As you are waiting, you can still see the end and you notice your progress to the front. While seeing the end, you have forced yourself to wait. Over time, by doing this, you will become more used to waiting and being patient.

Put waiting time to good use. When you are waiting, whether it is in line or stuck in traffic, put that time to good use. Do a mini-visualization or run through your affirmations. "I am patient and I know that everything happens in perfect timing" might be one to try out. If you have a goal card (you do have a goal card, right?), you can pull it out and go over your goals. You can list out all the things you are grateful for in life. With some imagination, you will find that you can always put that time to good use. In fact, you might even look forward to waiting in line or getting caught in traffic.

Get what you want when you want it

This is where you use the Law of Attraction rather than having it use you. When you want something, let's say a cup of coffee, you want the cup of coffee. The Universe starts to immediately give you the cup of coffee. If you expect the cup of coffee and believe you will get the cup of coffee, you will get it. However, if you feel frustrated or impatient, you feel that way because you are thinking "I don't have my cup of coffee." If you are thinking "I have no cup of coffee" the Universe then gives you "no cup of coffee."

This is the important part of the Law of Attraction to me. What we feel tells us what we are thinking. If we feel good, we are thinking about what we want (a cup of coffee) and the Universe is giving it to us. If we feel bad, we are thinking about what we do NOT want (no cup of coffee) and the Universe is giving us what we do NOT want. It is like a warning system.

When you feel afraid or worried, you are thinking about something that could happen that you do not want.
When you feel angry, disappointed, or sad, you are thinking about something that happened that you did not want to happen.
When you feel impatient or frustrated, you are thinking about what you want but noticed that it has not happened yet.

In my experience, the best way to get what you want when you want it is to always think about things that make you feel good. Any excuse to feel good will help.

All is Well!

Getting Started with Meditation

There are literally hundreds of methods and techniques for meditating, many of which originate in the Eastern traditions of Buddhism, Taoism, and yoga. In this simple guide, I am going to give you a simple technique that you can use to start meditating. Once you become proficient in this method, you can then explore other methods to further your ability.

Simple Meditation

Sit with your eyes closed and with your back straight. You can sit on a chair, but if you do, sit on the front of the chair and do not rest your back or slouch. You can also sit cross-legged on the floor. If do sit on the floor, be sure to sit on a cushion so your butt is higher than your feet.

Take a few deep breaths to relax. Wiggle around to be sure you are comfortable. Then focus on breathing naturally.

On an exhale, count to yourself 100. On the next inhale, count 99. Then count 98 on the exhale.

Continue to count backwards with the even numbers coming on the exhale and the odd numbers on the inhale.

When you get to 50, then only count when you exhale. So 49 comes on the exhale, 48 comes on the exhale, and so on.

When you get to zero, try to just pay attention to your breathing without counting.

After you have counted down to the end, you can stop when you like. Depending on your breathing, the process should take 7-10 minutes. Doing this at least once daily, ideally twice, will make a big difference in your life.

When you mind wanders to random thoughts, and it will, try to return to your breathing and the count. If you completely lose count, you can pick up where you last remember counting, or start over.

That's all there is to it. Depending on how fast you breathe, it should take 6-8 minutes. Practicing this twice a day will help you get started with meditation and build your confidence. Then, you can seek out other methods.

All is Well!

Please Check Your Baggage at the Door

I was talking with a client the other day when she mentioned that she has a tendency to take on the problems of other people around her. She attributed this to the fact that she is a "fixer," so she felts that part of helping people involved taking on their problems. Needless to say, this has led her to feel quite overwhelmed.

I indicated to her that I believe you can help someone on their path in life without having to take on all their baggage. There is a difference between being a guide and a lackey! She quickly realized how draining it can be to take on other people's dramas. I am sure we have all experienced energy vampires who latch on to you, share their sob stories, and drain you. They are not interested in constructively addressing their issues, rather they only want you to commiserate. Commiserate, to be in misery with someone else. That does not sound very useful to me for either side.

In the end, my client and I made a pact for the month of September. We decided that September is a baggage-free month, meaning two things:

1. We don't take on anyone else's emotional baggage, even when they try to get us to take it on for them.

2. We try to go through our own baggage and see if we are carrying around stuff that we don't need or want.

The first part involves detaching ourselves from other people's issues and dramas. If something comes sincerely seeking your input on a dilemma, by all means offer your opinion. However, you can do this in a way so that you keep yourself separate from their problems. On the other hand, if they come to you just looking to unload, then you can gently say something like, "I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing difficulties. When you want to work on the problem constructively, I would be glad to help. But I do not see any value in just complaining about your problems as that does not lead to any solutions."

This approach may piss people off. It may mean that some people no longer come to you. However, over time, you will see that more and more people come to you to share their good experiences. Rather than being the dumping ground where people come to whine and unload, you will become the person that people want to share their joys with. Since you become happy to share their joy, you will naturally attract more and more of these experiences.

The second part is just as important as the first. While we want to avoid taking on the emotional baggage of others, we also want to lighten our own load. We all drag around "bowling balls from the past." These are past memories of shame, guilt, or hurt that we need to release. Exercising forgiveness, forgiving others and forgiving yourself, is a good start towards releasing the bowling balls of the past.

And so, if you like, I invite you join me in making September a baggage-free month for you.

All is Well!

There's Love and then There's Love!

A friend of mine recently asked me about love and I think her question is a rather common one. She said that she was afraid that she would never love anyone like she loved this one person in her life. So her question was, "Should she go back to him if she feels she will never love anyone else like she loves him?" This gave me a chance to think about this issue, so I decided to ramble about this topic a bit in this week's entry.

I'll begin with a question to you, the reader. Do you love a person, or do you love your experience of that person. Do you love person X as person X is? Or do you love your experience of person X? Do you love the story you have created in your mind about person X? My good friend John McMullin contends that we can never love another person. He says that we can only love our experience of that other person. Likewise, when we dislike or even hate someone, we only dislike our experience of that person.

I think it is easy to see the truth in John's observation. You can take two siblings, raised in the same house under the same conditions. If you ask them to describe their parents, you might get descriptions so different that you cannot believe they grew up in the same house. So clearly our experience of other people creates our image of who that person is. Therefore, our decision to love or not love them is based on that experience. To me, this is how the ego experiences love.

On the other hand, I think there is another side to love. I believe our spirit (soul, inner being, etc.) experiences love in a different way. Unlike the ego which sees us as separate from all others, our spirit knows that we are all a unity. Byron Katie says that all people love her, they just don't realize it yet. On a spiritual level, I love everyone and everyone loves me. I truly love all people. I love my friends. I love my family. I love the person I see in the supermarket. I love you.

I just may not love my experience of all people. I adore my experience of my daughters. I love my experience of my friends. Do I love my experience of the person who is rude to me at the post office? Not so much. And that is something for me to work on spiritually.

So What Is Falling in Love?

To me, "falling in love" is when the ego side of you and the spirit side of you "line up." When you see a person as your spirit sees them, you let go of the "what's in it for me" ego and you let yourself love. You feel the extreme joy of loving someone as your spirit loves all people. This feeling can be disconcerting, however, to the ego. It is certainly not familiar to the fear-based ego and the feeling of being in love threatens the separation orientation of the ego. The spirit is unity oriented and love-based. To me, that is why many spiritual masters describe their experience as being in love with everyone and everything. I have experienced this feeling on occasion. My intention is to feel it on a regular basis.

Now, how does this relate to my friend's original question? Here is how I see it.

You will never love any one person exactly like another person because you can't. Your experience of any person cannot be exactly like your experience of another, because they are different people. So, you will never have the same combination of loving the person and loving the experience. If you try to love someone else the way you love a particular person, then that is trying to force a square peg into a round hole and it will never work.

So What Do you Do?

It's a cliché, but learning to love yourself is never over-rated. Practice loving you and your experience of yourself. Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life is an excellent place to start. When you have a healthy love for yourself, the absolutely perfect combination of love of the person and love of the experience of the person will come rolling into your life. Meanwhile, as you practice loving yourself, I hope you will keep in mind, that I love you.

All is Well!